UK – Ukraine Convoy: Short Story Three – what’s next?

Over the last few days, I have shared my experiences of driving aid from the UK to Ukraine. I have focused on some of the incredible people I met in Ukraine, the volunteers I went with and the 1,300-mile journey. This will be my last short story which I share from my experience, and I want to focus on what I have taken from this experience and most importantly – what the next steps are.

What I found so strange about this experience was the broad range of emotions you felt. For the first two full days, you are essentially on a Top Gear challenge. With all the chaos, laughs and silly accidents which you expect when you throw 20 blokes together. This part was fun, and you just feel like you’re hanging out with your friends.

Then you cross the border, and you are apprehensive, as any normal person would be. That apprehension quickly disappears, and you turn into a tourist starring out of the window taking photos of the magnificent churches you drive past.

Then there’s the relief of completing the journey and handing the keys over. The reason you set off is completed, you haven’t let down the friends and family who donated to support you.

But then, you meet veterans who have been injured, you meet people your own age who have been fighting since the war began, you talk to people in the street who are worried about what America pulling their support means – then you stand silently in a memorial, watching family members tend to the graves of their sons, daughters and fathers.

In three days, it is a huge array of emotions to go through.

Since I have come home, I have realised that all those little day-to-day stresses which we all have. That shelf that’s not been put up in a couple of weeks, that doctor’s appointment you’ve been meaning to book, the seemingly endless search for a new job – whilst they are still there, that horrible feeling I used to get in my tummy has gone.

The fact that I can travel wherever I want, whenever I want. See the friends I want, with no fear of that potentially being the last time I could ever see them, the fact I can sleep soundly at night without the fear of having to run into a shelter and the fact I am applying for jobs which don’t see me fighting on the front line means I am incredibly lucky.

The other feeling that overwhelmed me whilst I was in Ukraine, was guilt. Now I want to be clear, I have tried to ensure I have not made these three short stories about me. But I think this is a point worth sharing.

As I was crossing the border, I saw a huge number of men in uniform who had just completed their training, waiting to get back into Ukraine. Where they would be traveling to the front line.

Of the entire trip, this is this the one moment I will never forget. As I walked past these men, heading towards Poland, I felt immense guilt. I am the same age of many of them. The only thing that is different is the lottery of where we born. But walking towards the safety of Europe, knowing that many of these men would be soon on the front line and sadly many would be killed was a feeling I have not felt before and one I am not too keen to ever feel again.

So what is next?

Well, I don’t think I could have gone to Ukraine at a more important time since the start of the war. Going beyond the headlines and shaking hands with the people who we see on our TV screens has had a profound impact on me. Over the last few days, I have described it as earth shatteringly grounding. Having tried to think of other ways to describe it, nothing sums up how I feel now as simply as this.

I know the impact of volunteers like me is tiny. It won’t stop the war. It won’t stop people dying.

But it might help one person. It might help to save one life. That’s one less grave that needs to be dug. One less mother who needs to say goodbye to their husband, son or daughter.

So, I have come back determined to not only share some of my stories, to encourage others to take part in this amazing experience – but to keep going on convoys and not sit at home saying how terrible this is but to try and help that one person who otherwise just becomes a statistic.

Thank you to all my friends, colleagues and family for supporting me in my fundraising efforts. If anyone would like to get involved with this brilliant charity and has any questions – please drop me a line.